I wish I were better at this journaling thing but I'm terrible. I was at a funeral on Saturday for a man in my ward and was completely devastated for the wife. How lonely she must be and feel. The times I got the most emotional was when I was thinking about being in her place. What would I do? How would I cope and adjust. The thought crossed my mind, "would my posterity know how much I loved my husband if I were to die?" and so I decided to take a couple minutes to write down how much I do...and maybe just maybe get in the habit of writing down other things on a regular basis.
My feelings for Phil are so hard to put into words. I often think how blessed I was that Heavenly Father lead me to him. This may sound odd but I look back at our courtship and think how much better I could have done getting to know him during that time. I hear horror stories of people getting married that "knew" each other and then their marriage falling apart years later. I sometimes wonder how much I did "know" him. I was immature in certain ways (probably most ways) but being married 6.5 happy happy years helps me realize how blessed I really was and that I was guided into this huge decision. And it has turned out far greater than I could have imagined. I can't imagine being married to someone who understands me and is patient with my quirks more than he is. He knows exactly how to proceed with me in certain situations (when I'm upset, distraught, tired and exhausted, etc). For example, when I'm mad at him (what? mad at Phil?!?!) he knows to give me time and then make me snuggle with him to talk it out (or cry it out).
Phil is super patient. He rarely ever gets upset and he has never raised his voice in the house...okay, except when he is playing with the kids or being weird with them...never in an upset situation though. He is also so patient with others. There are a few families he home teaches that keep having problems because of the decisions they make and yet he patiently helps when and where he can when appropriate.
He loves others. He truly has a genuine love for people and are sensitive to their needs. He is so very thoughtful. A resident that he had worked with for only 2 weeks mentioned her A/C had gone out in her home. When he got home that night he asked me if we could have her stay so she would be cooler. He sometimes will get home and tell me he thinks we need to do something for someone in particular as he felt they had a specific need and a thoughtful gesture would help.
He is an awesome father. James and Maren adore their dad. As soon as we hear the back door open or hear Phil's whistle to indicate he's home, the kids stop what they're doing, say, "dad's home", and run to the back door to greet him and then they usually have a 'wrestle' session as I finish dinner prep. Recently Phil has been pretty busy at the hospital and then given assignments he works on at home which means he hasn't been around as much. When James wanted me to put him to bed and not dad I asked him if it bugged him. He said no but his greatest concern is that the little time is home with the kids, if he has to discipline them, that that is what they'll associate with their dad (James had had a particularly bad day that day). He loves those kids!
He makes me laugh. Not many people know Phil's weird side other than me and his family members. However, rarely does a day go by that he doesn't make me laugh with that weirdness.
He is dedicated and committed to family, church, becoming a doctor. He always wants to be doing his absolute best in all roles in his life.
The list could go on and on I'm sure. I was so blessed to attend nursing school with him as we got to be together so much. I've told him that although he hasn't officially started a "real" job, I can't wait until retirement so we can be together more. I now know how wonderful a best friend can really be and it just gets better and better. I love him and I'm so grateful he loves me too!